Stick a Fork. IN. ME!

I am so done!  Taxes, EERs, Internship, and (what else, what else…) OH, Naomi’s Fitness Challenge, DONE! (And 15 pounds lighter).  I am so ready for the Spring Travel Season J  Lyndsey is going on a field trip this week, to The Yellow Mountain in An Hui Province, for a little bonding with her fellow classmates.  She is not thrilled… But just LOOK at this place!

I, on the other hand, could not be more excited to go camping at the end of the month, with my newfound Consular friends, to the Dong Tai Mountain in the XiaoWuTaiShan range (just south of the 2022 Winter Olympic site in Zhangjiakou).

My Mother flies in for a visit on May 11^th…  We’ll give her about 10 days to catch up with the time zone, and see the local sites, before we whisk her off to Thailand for some valuable beach time, and then on to Hong Kong, to see two of the most awesome cities in Asia! 

I’m finally going to do the Flight of the Gibbon Zipline adventure when we’re in Thailand, and there will be a trip to Macau while we’re in HK. 

Macau is known for all the gambling casinos, but Macau is also a mesmerizing place to just walk around as it is packed with churches, temples, and fortresses… there are also hundreds of narrow alleyways forming a maze in the old part of Macau where the people of Macau carry out businesses and work. 

But, if casinos are your thing, The City of Dreams is a giant casino with high end fashion shops, a free video 'bubble' show, three hotels and the world's most expensive theatre show. The 'House of Dancing Water' cost US$250 million and the stage holds five Olympic swimming pools worth of water.

Mom will depart the day after we return, then back to school and work, where I will be thrust into the bidding season :-D 

Hopefully, there will be many European posts to choose from… Of course, Lyndsey is putting some strong Netherland vibes out into the Universe.  I’m just hoping to land anywhere in the Western European vicinity.

Woman of Leisure

I was going to title it, “Queen of Leisure Sports”, but listening to audiobooks, and staring off into space don’t really qualify as sporty.

I’ve been laying off the boob tube lately, as part of some drunken New Year’s dedication to forming new habits (I don’t recall if I specified “better” habits? …or, just new ones).  So, as I’m staring off into space, wondering if the new season of Nurse Jackie has started yet, I grab my phone and ask Siri how she might be of service to my bored self.  Together, we decide that a game of gin rummy might be a good place to start.  She’s good, y’know… Siri, at gin rummy; really a tough one to read J  …now I am an online, gin rummy addict; thanks, Siri!

Audiobooks, on the other hand, seem like a much better alternative habit; I mean, it’s almost like reading a book, but someone else is reading to you!!  Oh, how I LOVE it when someone else reads to me… it IS a far superior form of entertainment than ol’ nurse Jackie.  

I just listened to a Michael Connelly book about this LAPD detective named Bosch, read by the SUPER Sexy Titus Welliver… and guess what?!  Titus Welliver is now the lead character in a new Amazon Original Series called Bosch… and I can’t watch it!!!  Oh, but you know that I will… I’m not going to completely let go of my old friend, the idiot box, not as long as Titus is alive.

Project Meditation

I’m ringing in the New Year’s without declaring any resolutions this year, but I am determined to establish some better habits, specifically relating to my mental health.  Not that I’m feeling all that crazy, I’m just starting to realize that it might be the most important thing to emphasis for overall health… probably because I had such an amazing vacation over the holiday break, doing nothing but hanging out with people who make me feel good.  I mean, just look at this picture of me with my friend, Mary Young…

I look like I don’t have a care in the world!  It's not that I'm careless, or that I don't care about people... I just don't want to obsess about things, or have an endless train of thought running through my mind all the time.  It's definitely time to consider revisiting the fine art of quieting the mind... aka, meditation.  

I have always considered meditation to be a trendy concept, like hot yoga without all the sweat... I have tried meditation, repeatedly, with little success... it just puts me to sleep.  But, I came across a website called Project Meditation, which provides a source of meditation entertainment… now that is something I can get on board with!

Having said that, I know there are other variables affecting my mental stability, such as alcohol, and mindless distractions like watching TV, Facebook, or anything useless and time-consuming carried out on the Internet. 

So, I’ve started meditating every morning with my “meditation entertainment” and I think it’s having a huge impact on the rest of my day.  Also, alcohol, Facebook and TV time have been replaced with the Xbox; just Rocksmith so far, but I’m sure Just Dance will start making a comeback any day now. 

I know that Life is not one long vacation, but the look and feel of being on vacation... that’s the look I’m going for, built upon a solid foundation of seriously not having a care in the world.

Imagination is Way More Important than Knowledge

Peter Higgs is a theoretical physicist who imagined, back in the 60s, the existence of a sub-atomic particle at the center of our existence (aka, the God Particle).  Over 50 years later, experimental physicists confirmed the existence of that particle.

Even the most powerful microscopes cannot show this sub-atomic matter.  The only way to confirm the existence of sub-atomic particles is by colliding electrons and capturing the aftermath of that destruction. (Shown in the picture below)

What I found so incredible about this “experiment” was the scope... Biblically Huge!

CERN built a $10 billion machine that smashes electrons into one another at almost the speed of light, and employed about 4000 scientists to work on this project.

After the collision, a massive amount of data had to be analyzed!  A year and a half later, on July 4^th, 2012, in the presence of Peter Higgs, CERN presented their findings.  In December 2013, Peter Higgs won the Nobel Peace Prize in Physics. 

It just makes me swell with emotion to think about the magnitude of conviction, dedication, money and resources, purely in the name of scientific curiosity, to pull this off, and validate one of the most significant and profound theories of our time.

Shiva's Dance (My Next Tattoo)

Mary and I watched a documentary called Particle Fever, about the search for the Higgs-Boson particle, also known as the God particle.  It takes place in the Large Hadron Collider at CERN in Geneva, Switzerland.

Outside that facility is a 2m tall statue of the Indian deity Shiva Nataraja, the Lord of Dance.  The statue, symbolizing Shiva's cosmic dance of creation and destruction, was given to CERN by the Indian government to celebrate the research center's long association with India.

As soon as I saw that, I said, "THAT is my next tattoo!"

The parallel between Shiva's dance and the dance of subatomic particles was first discussed by Fritjof Capra and became a central metaphor in Capra's international bestseller (and one of my favorite books) The Tao of Physics. 

Capra explained that "Modern physics has shown that the rhythm of creation and destruction is not only manifest in the turn of the seasons and in the birth and death of all living creatures, but is also the very essence of inorganic matter," and that "For the modern physicists, then, Shiva's dance is the dance of subatomic matter."

I’m commissioning Tattoo Temple, in Hong Kong, to do the tattoo for me.  They have a waiting list of about a year, but I will definitely leave China with a new tattoo on my back.

Mary is such a geek when it comes to watching documentaries like that, that she wants to become a physicist, and work at CERN after she graduates.  She will need to change her citizenship to something in the European Union, however, because they simply do not employ Americans.

Still... if Geneva is on my bid list in January, it will be my first choice!

Tiny Retirement Dream

I watched a documentary called Tiny: A Story about Living Small, and, of course, I now must have a tiny house!!  But, actually, it’s got me to thinking, seriously, about retiring early from the Foreign Service, hitching a tiny house to a truck, and just travelling the US. 

What do I actually need in this world that I can’t fit into a tiny house?  As long as I have my bike, my kindle, and my cat, Mayling Dynasty, I'm golden!  
I could make the rounds; see Todd, Steph, Eli and Noah every fall for the Jackson Hole ski season, dip down to the southern beaches during the winter and spring, and visit the Johnsons of NY in the summer.  

I think it’s the most brilliant plan I’ve had all week!

The soonest I can retire from State is June 2022; not that I don’t love my job… I do!  I would just rather be on my bike, with miles of smooth, uncluttered road in front of me, and the Velodrone Playlist blasting through my headphones. 

Goodbye Mary Blueberry

We finally made it to China (where I hope to master speaking English with the perfect Chinese accent)  We're just getting comfortable, and now Mary is leaving me, next week, to live in the US with her grandparents, and work on HER dream of establishing a social network completely devoid of anyone speaking English as a second language.

We've had a good run, kid...

you've seen beautiful places...

 made new friends...

                    

and now you're going to break your momma's heart!  I’m kind of freaking out about that, and I suspect I’ll need to adjust my social calendar for all the time I’ll be spending in the corner of my bedroom, curled up in the fetal position, and crying like a baby.

I’m going to miss that little girl!  I’ll miss torturing her with embarrassment, the way that only a parent can… and I’ll miss the way we make each other laugh until we cry.  I won’t miss cleaning up after her, or the awful smell of her constant farting!  I’ll kind of miss the way she tortures the cat, though.  

The Big Gas (Big Ass) Move

Drove to FL, with all of our worldly belongings, Wednesday... arrived Thursday, drove back Friday, back in VA Saturday, cleaned the house Saturday, slept all day Sunday.

 

 



I'm hanging out with my friend, Mary, for the next month, in VA, while I finish work with Presidio. 
Fourth of July in the Big Apple, and then State Department - reporting for duty - July 15th.

The Value of a Blog

The two years we spent in Thailand were the best years of my life, and to be able to go back and relive some of those memories through the words, pictures and videos of this blog, is priceless.  One of my favorites is the Ban Kruit Family Vacation video... I remember it like it was yesterday.  I would give anything to have that life back.  I just watched one of the earlier videos, where Mary is teaching a drawing class; Mike took that short video, asking her questions and capturing the magic of make believe... just to hear his voice triggers a calming reaction that was commonplace for a pretty significant period of time in my life.  To say that I miss him is an understatement.

My life is so different now; the family dynamic has been totally reconstructed from the Brady Bunch merge, to housing the “village” to raise the child.  I took in my ex-brother-in-law in a mutually beneficial arrangement, about a year and a half ago, and he has come to play a very important role in Mary’s life, as her dominating father figure.  The ex-mother-in-law followed, shortly thereafter.  The results… Mary is a happy, healthy, aspiring ballerina, and straight-A student.  She’s also one of the coolest people I know and I love spending time with her.

I started a new job last summer, working for an IT services company, managing a team of Cisco VoIP engineers.  I have never worked so hard in all my life!  I love it, and I hate it… I miss the laid back atmosphere of a cushy government job, and every day I find myself fantasizing about living in some docile communist country, half way around the world, with no one depending on me at work.  Would I miss the challenge and sense of accomplishment?  Would my new found skills atrophy and diminish my sense of worth?  Would that really matter if I had a life?  Definitely NOT!  Who knows what the future holds, and who really cares if I’m just living in the moment, right? 

Basement 2.0

I want nothing more than to lay on this couch, and not have a thing to do all day.  I am diggin' the documentary genre right now (Thanks to Mr. Micah), and I watched "Freakonomics: A Rogue Economist Explores the Hidden Side of Everything", which absolutely blew my mind, and, simultaneously, entertained me. I told Micah to watch it, and pay special attention to the Cause and Effect section; then I would tell him the story about our decision to give birth to him, and how he changed my life. Now, I'm watching Shakespeare High... looks promising.

Teddy Bear Roosevelt

Theodore Roosevelt had filled pages of his diary by writing about the love of his life, his first wife, nearly as often as he thought about her. He noted the simplest expressions, the smallest acts of recognition, the quietest smiles, the loudest silences, and every action that resulted in a memory that they could replay again-and-again in the future that they had planned together. In his ever-present pocket diary on February 14, 1884, after she died from complications of childbirth, Theodore Roosevelt simply wrote an “X” above one striking sentence: “The light has gone out of my life.”

Theodore Roosevelt recovered and made history, but the pain that he felt probably never dissipated. It was also never again mentioned. Two days after the funeral, he wrote a short biography of Alice in his diary, ending “For joy or sorrow, my life has now been lived out.” Roosevelt’s biographer, Edmund Morris, wrote that “Like a lion obsessively trying to drag a spear from its flank, Roosevelt set about dislodging Alice Lee from his soul. Nostalgia, a weakness to which he was abnormally vulnerable, could be indulged if it was pleasant, but if painful it must be suppressed, “until the memory is too dead to throb.” Alice Hathaway Lee’s existence may have crossed his mind or remained in his heart, but her name never again passed through his lips. Their daughter — Alice’s namesake — entered adulthood without ever hearing her father speak of her mother. It was simply too painful for this, probably the bravest of Presidents. Following his Presidency, Roosevelt wrote his Autobiography, which was detailed and thorough, but he didn’t mention his first wife even once. Letters were destroyed, photographs were were burned, and Roosevelt’s only method of coping with her absence was pretending that she was never there in the first place. He once wrote of Alice that “I did not think I could win her, and I went nearly crazy at the mere thought of losing her.” Once he did lose her, he certainly lost a part of himself.

Immediately following Alice’s death, Theodore told a friend that he was “beyond healing and time will never change me in that respect”. Roosevelt remarried in 1886 and had five more children, but his silence about Alice’s impact on his life is just as striking as the words he wrote about her while she was alive. In August 1974, President Richard Nixon — one of Roosevelt’s successors and biggest admirers — resigned from the Presidency and in his final speech as President, to White House staff gathered in the East Room, quoted from one of only two references that Roosevelt made to Alice following her death:

“She was beautiful in face and form, and lovelier still in spirit; As a flower she grew, and as a fair young flower she died. Her life had been always in the sunshine; there had never come to her a single sorrow; and none ever knew her who did not love and revere her for the bright, sunny temper and her saintly unselfishness. Fair, pure, and joyous as a maiden; loving , tender, and happy. As a young wife; when she had just become a mother, when her life seemed to be just begun, and when the years seemed so bright before her—then, by a strange and terrible fate, death came to her. And when my heart’s dearest died, the light went from my life forever.”

Theodore Roosevelt went on to achieve his ambitions and realize great success, but his tribute to Alice bears witness to his pain and gives extra symbolism to the lion’s last words before his heart gave out in 1919: “Please put out the light.”

Frolicking 4th of July

We headed up to NY on Friday to party with the Johnson's of Jamestown this weekend.  THAT was my first mistake... I-70 was a parking lot and I was getting burned alive in the Geo.  I was so close to pulling off the highway and checking into a hotel, but then the traffic opened up and we ended up in NY just as the sun was setting.

They had a nice little campfire going, with beer and s’mores... I was so relieved.  We pretty much spent the weekend in our swimming suits, frolicking at Rick and Diane's pool next door.  Yeah, that’s right… we were frolicking, which is exactly what I like to do… I consider any weekend we’re in full frolick, to be a success! 

Sunday afternoon we finally got the party started and then headed home Sunday evening. 

The Johnson’s are a fine clan and always a joy to be around.  Mike always said I come from good stock…

Damn straight, Baby.

Michael Nathan Kuligowski

Michael Nathan Kuligowski, 50, passed away Thursday, June 9th, at his home in Arlington, VA. He was born in Fort Meade, MD September 28th, 1960, to Stanley and Phyllis Kuligowski, currently residing in Derry, NH. He met and fell in love with his wife, Tina, whom he married in Las Vegas, NV on March 4th, 2008. As a devoted and loving husband, Mike expressed his deep appreciation and good fortune for finding and spending his remaining years with her.
 
Mike and his family have experienced tremendous tragedy in the past few years; he was predeceased by his son, Adam Kuligowski (21) on April 6th, 2009, and then his daughter, Kalia Kuligowski (26) on January 6th of this year. On August 24th, 2010, Mike was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. Mike turned misfortune and heartbreak into an opportunity to strengthen the bonds with his surviving sons, Stefan and Lukas Kuligowski of Derry, NH. He reminded them more often than not, that they mattered so much to him and that they were loved more than anyone in the world.
 
Including previously mentioned family members, Mike is survived by his two brothers; Jan Kuligowski from Florida, and Stanley (Stash) Kuligowski, of Manchester, NH, and his sister; Stephanie Kuligowski of Derry, NH. Additionally, he is survived by the mother of his four children; Tracie Kuligowski, as well as a large and tight-knit network of cousins throughout the New England area.
 
Mike joined the State Department in 1984, serving as an IT specialist at US Embassies around the world. His most recent assignment was at the US Embassy in Bangkok, Thailand, where he lived with his family, to include his stepchildren; Micah and Mary Middleton. He also served in Africa, South America, South Korea, and Saudi Arabia during the first Gulf War. He is also a veteran of the US Army, and served from 1978 -1982.

In 2008, he received The Thomas Morrison Information Management Award, which recognizes outstanding and unique contributions in the information management field. This is considered the pinnacle of achievements in his field, specifically within the Department of State. While well respected by his peers, Mike was better known by his colleagues and friends for his gifts in being able to impact their lives on a very deep and profound level. His compassion helped many when they needed it most; to guide them, humor them, restore them, help them turn a corner, pull them from the edge or just allow them to shut the world out and absorb his healing vibes.
 
He was a painter and a student of spirituality. He loved to hike, and spent many hours climbing the peaks of the White Mountains in New Hampshire with his cousin and best friend; Luke Johnson.
 
Many hearts are broken, many tears have fallen, and a heavy sadness weighs on our collective soul. We love you Michael Kuligowski… we miss you, and we will never forget you

Classic Fakeout

I took the girls to the movies yesterday afternoon; Mary and her next door neighbor friends, while I slipped over the get a massage.  I knew they would be done before me so I put a 20 under my phone, and when they came by I told Mary to grab it and go shopping at Claire's for 30 minutes.  When I finished, they weren’t back yet, so I went to Claire's... they were nowhere to be found.  

I noticed I had missed 4 calls from my next door neighbor and he was just calling me again to find out when we would be back.  He was pressed for time because his daughter had a soccer game at 6.  Anyway, after a couple of frantic minutes passed, I saw the girls come out of the shop next to Claire's and called out for Mary.  As they walked towards me, she could see I was pretty mad.  I told her she was in big trouble, and just left it at that.  

When we got back, Mary stayed at the next door neighbor's house for a few hours before coming home.  She was all freaked out about what kind of trouble she was in for... she was actually volunteering punishment; "Mommy, I can just return these things to the store as punishment... what are you going to do to me anyway?!"  I said, "That's it... for you to torture yourself for the past two hours, about what your punishment would be... that is your punishment!"

Guilty Internet Pleasures

Trying to find a good blog to read is like trying to find a four-leaf clover... in a parking lot... on a rainy day. I am under no delusions that my blog is, in my wildest dreams, even close to interesting, even for my parents, who seem to favor Facebook.


Anyway, I think I found the "four-leaf clover" of blogs a few weeks ago, called Scary Mommy (www.scarymommy.com) It's well-written, hilarious, and most important, doesn't make me feel like a complete failure as a parent. I actually started reading it because of a new feature on the site that allows people to post anonymous confessions. Yeah, I posted some confessions and no, I'm not telling you!

Well, okay, maybe just one, or two... I eat Mary's gummy bear vitamins like candy (no big deal, I think a lot of people do that!) and, I've recently added Anthony Bourdain to my spank bank.

What?!

He's really sexy!


There are over 7000 confessions now and I've probably read every one of them... I know, I know, a colossal waste of time, but I can't help it... I'm addicted! I can see a 12-step program in my future. After the first couple dozen confessions they pretty much repeat themselves, but I'm just blown away by how much women:

1. Hate their husbands/ mother-in-laws/ sister-in-laws,

2. Smoke weed,

3. Want to have sex with other women,

4. Wish they had a single friend,

5. Can't wait to get away from their kids (stay-at-home moms),

6. Can't wait to get home to their kids (working moms),

7. Have secret credit cards,

8. Secretly hire maids to clean their houses,

9. Beat themselves up because they... spank their kids, can't keep a clean house, use vibrators, drink too much, think they're too fat, eat Oreo cookies for breakfast and cereal for dinner , etc, etc...

...and it just goes on and on, like a pile up on the interstate that you can't look away from.

Truly Random Post

Mike left for NH on Tuesday and I found myself unable to sleep every night this week except for last night... I think I was just so tired. It was a pretty deep sleep until about 330am, when Mary was prodding me to wake up because she had an ear ache. Dammit! I thought we were done with those! Anyway, gave her some meds and she was back to sleep in no time.


I paid a cleaning service to come in and deep clean the house on Thursday and I think that is contributing to a really fantastic mood this morning... worth every penny!

I'm just going to try and sit around all day and read my Kindle... there's a "top-ten" list on Chuck Palahniuk's website that I'm going to queue up and start working my way through... that is, if Mare-Bear lets me... she seems to think we're going bike riding (not sure how she's going to do that without a bike) and then to Macy's. It is possible she may motivate me off this couch... she can be very persuasive. If I just avoid looking into her eyes I might be able to escape her wiccan-like charms.


It's inevitable that I will have to return to BKK very soon to pack out... Soooo not looking forward to the flight. But, on the positive side... frequent flyer miles, $10 massages, Samea Beach, and all the other pleasantries Thailand has to offer :-)


I have more random thoughts swirling about my repository of consciousness, but I don't like re-reading a long blog entry.


Kuligowski Out!

The Goodbye Weekend

We arrived Friday afternoon and cooked a batch of food at the condo for Stefan, Lukas and their friends. Saturday morning we were at the church early and Kalia’s casket was open for a short time. It was good for me to see her. Mary started crying though, and didn’t stop until the service was over… probably 2 hours.

Everyone from the family spoke; first Tracie, who recited a very beautiful and heart-wrenching poem she wrote called "No Poem", followed by Lukas and Stefan. I was very proud of both of them. I know Lukas would have preferred to just sit and listen, but he summoned the courage to speak, and delivered a very mature and dignified eulogy. Mike told a story about driving the kids cross-country one summer in a Geo. And then Nathan, Kalia's best friend, had some very insightful stories to share about their adventures growing up together.

The service continued at the cemetery with a very short, graveside memorial, and concluded with a nice luncheon sponsored by a group affiliated with the church. I have never seen so many trays of perfect cheesy potatoes in my life! It was one of a thousand little things that happened this weekend that contributed to bearing the unbearable; from the moment we accidently cut in the Southwest boarding line, to the Dunkin Donuts “incident”. Remind me to tell you about it sometime.

I should acknowledge that this weekend was a lot easier to cope with thanks to a very good friend; Joanne's presence was a factor in helping Mary, Mike and I through a tough time.

Saturday evening, once the sun set, and the snow began to fall, the flames of Kalia's memorial bonfire developed into a full blaze. The day came to a close in a magical moment as Kalia’s family and friends gathered around the fire to drink a little hot chocolate and share in her memory.

The Buddhists, in a beautiful and fitting expression of wisdom, say, “Your end, which is endless, is as a snowflake dissolving in the pure air.”

Kalia, Beautiful Kalia

3:09 am, January 6, 2011... woke to the sound of my husband crying on the phone. I already knew why. He was scheduled to fly to NH that afternoon to spend time with Kalia before the Good Lord called her home, but it was too late.

I spent the day crying... on the couch, in bed, on the phone, in the car.

I had just seen Kalia two months ago when she drove down to take part in the Jon Stewart Rally for Sanity. We all crammed into a booth at the Silver Diner in Arlington, VA; me, Mike, Lukas, Cody, Micah and Kalia... ate a huge breakfast and laughed at life's random humor.

She looked great, felt great and, if you didn't know any better (which was the case with most of her friends), you would never know she was sick. I could never imagine that would be our last day together. It was the start of a good day, and a good moment to have in rememberance of Kalia.

I came in to work to avoid lying in bed all day and thinking about the source and reason of this run of bad luck, only to avoid co-workers and their expressions that mirror my mindset. I don't have an answer... I don't know why... I only know that my stomach turns and my head throbs and my heart physically aches because a very bright and beautiful light in my life has gone out.

Unexpected Departure

Feels like we left Bangkok "in the middle of the night" at the end of this summer. We didn't know what to expect after Mike was medevaced back to the US, after being diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.

Two weeks later, we flew Lukas and Mary home to try and resettle our lives back in the US. Lukas went straight to Derry to live with his sister Kalia, and Mary stayed in NY for a few months until we could sort out some kind of permanent plan.

Now that the holidays have passed and Mike is well into his chemotherapy treatments, we took up permanent residence in Arlington, VA and brought Mary home. Micah will finish the year at Houghton Academy before joining us.

Time to rename this blog ...

Final Year

Less than 10 months left in our Bangkok Tour. We keep saying we need to make a list and prioritize what we want to see and do before we go. Since “making a list” is actually on Mike’s imaginary to-do list, I will go ahead and commit one to writing now…

1. Furniture shopping
2. Visit the elephant sanctuary
3. Flight of the gibbon

Other things that would be nice, but I won’t be heartbroken if we miss out…
4. Angora Wat
5. Luang Prabang
6. Vietnam tour: Hanoi and Ho Chi Minh City; Mekong Delta, Cu Chi tunnels