We are suffering the loss of Mike's son, Adam, who died in Afghanastan on Monday, April 6th. I still find it hard to believe that Adam is gone. He was just here on leave in February. I keep looking at photos we took of him before he left. What a smart, good-looking and accomplished young man. I didn't get to spend much time with him, mainly because I was in Vietnam almost the whole time he was here, but I did spend one quiet moment with him before he left. I gave him this Buddha coin that I picked up at temple in Ban Kruit and I told him he was like my own personal Buddha, the way he’s always so peaceful and easy to be around. Even my kids acted a little different when they were around him. I told him to keep it as a reminder that I was always praying for him and thinking about him. I worried so much for his safety in Afghanistan since the Taliban looked like they were going to completely overrun the country before Adam’s tour was over. That was the first thought I had when I got that call. I wanted to turn on the TV to see if I could find out more about what was going on over there.Mike, Stefan and I left for New Hampshire the next day. Unfortunately I had to come back before the funeral but Kalia, Mike's daughter, emailed me a detailed narration of it... here it is:
"The funeral was tough, especially Stefan and Dad's words...they are both really good speakers. The parts that stick out to me about Stefan's were his story about going to Boston, taking Adam for the first time, they were going to a movie...and Stefan got lost and frustrated and pulled over. Adam told him to pull out, take a left, a right and they were there...and Adam had never been there. Stefan's point was that Adam was always taking care of Stefan. He also talked about watching the extended edition of all the Lord of the Rings movies from 10pm-10am. Stefan said that Adam didn't know that Stefan had recorded them watching it. But he then said that Adam was Frodo, and he was Sam, and he would have carried the ring to Mordor for Frodo, if he only let him...I don't know if I have the analogy right...but it was really powerful.
My Dad's was even more moving...he started out with this story when we lost Adam at Disneyland when he was 7 or 8. And they were frantically running around trying to find him...and my dad turned to my mom and said, 'if anything happens to him, i'll die' and then he said "this past week something happened to Adam, and I didn't die...maybe it would've been easier if I did" ugh...heartbreaking. He also talked about going hiking in Utah with Adam, and how they camped out and caught a fish for dinner and watched the sunset...and how it was probably the best day of his life. He encouraged everyone to look for those golden moments. He also encouraged people to be kind cuz you never know what someone's going through...and to give service. He talked about the casualty officers and their service, along with the salesman at Macy's that helped them get suits, and he talked about how Micah shined his shoes before he left. He was just saying that little acts of service can mean so much. He also talked about how there's always going to be a hole in his life, and how yah, over time it'll get easier to deal with, but the hole will still be there.
Oh, and I just shared some of Adam's words from the essay we found. You read it right? I just read the part about how he thinks when he sees things like the Great Wall of China...and then about how change is eternal, but there are some constants we need to hold on to. I added that the constant in our lives is love-whether through family or friends and how we need to hold on to those. I hope over time we find more of Adam's writings, he is definitely a philosopher.
The military service at the cemetery was nice. They presented my mom and dad with separate flags and separate medals, so they each have the same things...which is nice cuz then there won't be any fighting over them or hard feelings. Oh, my uncle Stash fell...I made him sit on the folding chairs with the family..and then the General was trying to make his way to me to give me this pin thing...and Stash must've shifted his weight...and the chair sank into the ground...which was also at a slant...yeah, so he tumbled over...but then as the General was pinning my pin on me, he asked who that was and if he should get a pin. i told him it was my uncle and that he'd love a pin. He did. After the service I apologized, saying it was my fault cuz I made him sit there. He was all, "but I got a pin!" :)
Oh, on the ride over, from the church to the cemetery, we were in 2 limos. It wasn't a long ride to the cemetery, just a couple minutes, but along the road there were some people waving...one older guy was holding a flag and saluting...and then the cemetery was lined with the Patriot Guard...or whatever they're called, the bikers that come...they were lining the road, holding flags... Did Dad tell you about the wake and how 2 different biker gangs came in to pay their respects? I think they were both veteran groups. The first one was the Nam Knights, very nice people.
Stefan's friends all stayed 'till after the wake, cuz they wanted to go out together to get something to eat. So did all my mom's relatives...so I combined the groups and got us over to this mom and pop's place on Broadway called C&K's. There were about 20 or so of us...and I guess the waitress had to be called back in to work. I guess when I called telling them we had a big group, she had just gone home cuz it was slow...but we changed all that. We had a nice dinner...and then my dad surprised us by paying for it, which no one expected at all. So everyone chipped in for the tip...the waitress got over $100."
The morning after we arrived in New Hampshire we went to breakfast and just outside the restaurant there were three newpaper machines, all with Adam's picture on the front page. After the funeral, there were some very nice articles covering the service with lots of good photos. Here are the links to news articles and pictures of Adam. The last link (NPR) is an interview that NPR did with Mike. You can listen to the interview or read about it from that link.:
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